Your Eyes

I look into your eyes,
You look into mine,
The feelings that you show,
Overwhelms my mind,
You hold me so close,
In your arms I lie,
I look up and see love,
Deep within your eyes

My heart is on fire,
My brain is ice cold,
They are fighting against each other,
And I have no control,
One desires to love,
The other, to obey,
And worries too much about what others may say,
The question comes to the surface,
What will I do?
Will I choose my brain?
Or will I choose you?
The decision remains unmade,
And your smile seems like it will never fade,
So for now you can hold me,
And as I lie,
I will never stop looking,
Into your eyes.


-Olivia Matthews

Family

Family...what a word. Having a family is one of the great blessings God gives us. Tonight I was having a conversation with a friend about my family...my friend really made me think. I realized that I am one of the luckiest people I know...because of the family that I have. The way I was raised is what made me who I am today. Every person in my family has taught me something. A lesson I will never forget.

My maw maw taught me how to pray...when I lose hope...pray...when I feel like God isn't listening...pray...when I needed help...pray...when I needed love...pray. My maw maw is one of the greatest Christian women I have ever met...and she taught me how to pray.

My paw paw...he taught me how it's ok to cry. When something touched me in a way that I couldn't explain...it was ok to cry. When I was sad...cry...when I was happy...cry...and when I couldn't explain how I felt...cry. He is one of the toughest people I know and he...of all people taught me that it is ok to cry.

My dad taught me to grow up. I know this doesn't sound so great. But it is. He taught me the difference between being funny and being serious. He taught me how to respect. To, no matter what, respect people...and yourself.

My mom...well...she taught me how to be strong. When my world fell through...be strong. When I felt I couldn't go one more step...be strong. When the waves started crashing in...stand my ground...and be strong.

My sister...my sister taught me how to take a bad situation and make it good. She taught me that no matter what goes wrong...something good will always come out of it if I believe. She taught me how to make something out of nothing. And not to listen to anyone else...just your dreams.

My brother...he taught me how to give every little piece of my heart...even if the person wouldn't give me theirs. He taught me that what the heart feels is important. And to listen to it. And every heartbreak can be mended.

My step dad taught me that work is everything. Hard work will get you what you want. You have to make a living and work as hard as you can. You will be grateful in the end.

My step mom taught me that a little fun can't hurt. That you can't always be a stick in the mud. Go out...live life...and have fun. Smile...and never regret.

I have so many people that taught me things...friends that I consider family and just random people that I barely even know. I can't possibly mention them all but I am so blessed. Family is everything. They love...laugh...and grow right before your eyes. SO many times I have taken them for granted...and after eighteen years on this dark night...like most others...I have realized how lucky I am. I HAVE a family. They are messed up and crazy and some times drive me crazy...but they are MY family. And I wouldn't give them up for the world.

Drama and Television

Have you ever watched a TV show and shortly realized that the actors/actresses were living your life? No? Well maybe I am just weird (shut it, Jamie ;P) because it has happened to me a lot these past few weeks. Between Grey's Anatomy and Glee it feels like my life has interested thousands of people. Okay, let me be honest...I am no doctor, I am no longer in high school, I do not use medicine to save lives, and I surely can't sing. But outside of the major points of these shows...if you could find some way to look deeper into these shows. Look at the relationships, the problems, the love, pain, hate, joy, hope, and sadness. I believe that if we all look at those we could find a little bit of ourselves. I do. It's what we call "drama" in our lives. We all have it. For me it's the relationships in these shows that hit me in the face and makes me ask "Can two people really love each other that much? Is it even possible for someone to be that cruel? Would my parents really react in that way if I ever told them that? Is that really the world?" But then I look at my own life and realize that these fictional, dramatic, TV shows really aren't that fictional. Only the characters are. The problems and situations are all real. That is what makes them so popular to the public. Because people can relate...and they keep watching because the end is the best part. The end either gives them hope or destruction. If it ends well it tells the world that their problems can end well too. And if it ends bad...well...you get the picture. The end is the most important part. People don't watch for the beginning...they watch for the end. Which leaves me asking..."What do you think your ending will be?"

One Step Forward...Two Steps Back...

If you keep up with my blogs you know that one of my latest blogs was about starting over. Going down the path called "God" instead of "You." So yea...I have started it. I am walking on this path...and well...it's getting rough. I have so many people trying their hardest to encourage me. They do what they think they should do. But instead...they don't know me...and they are actually discouraging me. When I started walking on this path God told me their was a friendship I was going to have to cut off. I didn't want to do it. He said that if I cut it off freely He may build it up again in the future. I didn't want to do it. He asked me three or four times to it. I didn't want to do it. And then I went to church this morning and my dad preached on giving God everything. And I knew...this was the last time He was going to ask. But I didn't want to do it. So...He took it into His own hands and now...the friendship has ended. Probably never to return. This alone has left me with tears pouring down my cheeks as I type this. One step forward...two steps back.

I started to read His word on a daily bases. He told me that I needed to apply it to my everyday life. I got to one scripture...and I didn't want to do it. He said I had to if I wanted to be His disciple. But I didn't want to do it. One step forward...two steps back.

I decided that I would give God my past. He accepted. He asked for my future. I declined. One step forward...two steps back.

When I began to walk on this path I was handed a hand full of decisions. For example: where to live, where to go to school, what relationships I should keep, whether or not to tell people about my change or let them see it, and many more. I prayed about each and every one of these. And then when I make the decision so many people around me tell me I am wrong. So here I am...walking on this path...and I have hit a cliff. I am barely hanging on but hanging on none the less. So many people are around me...talking...telling me what I should do. They are so loud...so loud that I can't hear God. But then...I look up...and there He is...He has grabbed my hands...and He is pulling me up.

I may be stressed...and I may be weak...but God is still holding my hand. He has picked me up...dusted me off...has given me back my Bible...and is now once again...holding my hand...whispering in my ear..."Keep going. You are doing great. Don't give up. Don't be afraid. Don't stop. You got it. I am so proud. I love you..."

It's Time...

IT'S TIME! Those two words can start up a hurricane within your body. They can be put into pretty much any situation. It's time...the baby is coming. It's time...we are going to be late. It's time...to talk. It's time...to say goodbye. It's time...to let go and let God. And my personal favorite...it's time...for change.

Change...what a word. The dictionary says it is to make the form, nature, content, future course, etc., of (something) different from what it is or from what it would be if left alone. Everyone I know has wanted to change something. Whether it was themselves or someone they knew. All through out our lives we go through change. Some of it good. Some of it bad.

My definition for change? Well...my definition...is a little different. My definition is more of a description than a definition, actually. :) Change is what we all go through to make us who we are. I believe there are two types of change. Not just "good" and "bad"...but more like "you" and "God".

We all know the good ol' Robert Frost poem...The Road Not Taken...
"TWO roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth; 5

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same, 10

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back. 15

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference." 20

Well...what if the two roads were labeled "God" (one less traveled" and "You?"

The point I am trying to make is that for the past five years I have taken the road labeled "You". And to be honest...it has gotten me no where. Every now and then I would peep through a tree and look over to the other path. I would then walk through a crowded forest to get to the other side and begin to walk on the road labeled "God". When that got too hard I would run as fast as my legs would carry me to get back to my comfort zone. Well...I say all this to say four simple and complex words...it's time for change. So here I go...I am starting over. I have walked back to the place where it all began. I am at the very beginning of the two roads. I will take a deep breath. Grab a strong hold on my Bible...and start walking. I ask you to please pray for me...pray that when the trees start to bustle...and the birds start to make scary noises...and it starts to get dark...that I just keep walking...if any of you need someone to walk with you down your road. Hit me up. It would be nice to have a friend. Even if none of you are in my position...God is with me...holding my hand...whispering in my ear..."you can do it. Hold tight. You are almost there. You are doing great. Don't give up. I love you..."

Goodbyes...

Okay...so it's time for the thing that EVERYONE hates the most. Come on...you know it's true...we ALL hate saying goodbye. So yea...I figured that the best way to say goodbye to everyone is just by writing a little something something in my blog. haha So yea...here goes...

Liz: Wow hun...we have so many crazy and funny memories and I can't possible tell you how much you mean to me. I love you so much! It is going to be so sad when we tomorrow comes and we say our last goodbyes. You have truly made this year interesting. You were like my mom away from home. You kept me company on the weekends and you always kept me in check. I am so thankful to have you as a friend and I just want to tell you that I love you so much and I hope you have a great summer and when you get to that great big public school you have the best time of your life! I love you girl!

Ari: Honey...my parents always told me that when I got to Trevecca I needed to become friends with you. Not sure why but they did. ;) lol You have been a great friend and I am so happy that I got the opportunity to get to know you. You have a great future ahead of you. Always remember that the only limits you have are the ones you make for yourself. You can do and be whatever you choose to be. I love you so much! Thank you for such a great year!

Holly: Sweetie, you really are the model of the South! You have the look and the accent. I am so happy that you walked into my life and we became friends. We have had so many great times together and I know you will make something of yourself! Don't ever give up! With God all things are possible! I love hun!

Colton: Wow...we haven't known each other for a while but getting to know you has been one of the best things this past year. Thank you so much for the great talks at 2am while I was trying to sleep. My body can't thank you enough. haha Please continue to keep Jamie in check while I am gone. She needs someone like you. She is a little messed up in the head! haha Thanks for a great goodbye party. You are an amazing person! I love you! Have a great summer!

Alyse: hahaha...You have truly been a great friend! We have always used each other as "escapes" from our roommates and I can't possibly thank you enough. You have been such a fantastic friend. I am REALLY going to miss you! I wish you and David the best of luck. Also...good luck in the farming business. Please keep in touch! I love you sweetie!

New York: WOW. That is all. :) hahahahahaha Also..."MORE OVALTINE PLEASE!!!!" I love you girl!

and last but not least...

Jamie: You are my best friend. I am going to miss you...all the great times we have had. All the secrets we have shared and all the "we just got closer" moments. Those are memories I will never forget. You have grown so much this year. And because of you I have grown. You have taught me so much and I am so thankful for that. Saying goodbye to you will be the hardest thing I have to do this year. I hope you have a great time at Union. Figure out what you want to do and try not to change your major so much. ;) I love you. I wouldn't be who I am if it weren't for you. You are such a great person and I know that whatever friends you make in the future are very lucky. Everyone always says "Don't change." when they say their goodbyes...but I don't want to say that...I want to say "change. Do what God wants. Let Him change you...He knows what is best." Also, while you are at Union...and something goes wrong (and face it...it's you...something WILL go wrong) always know you can call me. I will always be around to give you my famous "here is what you gotta do" speeches. I will also send you pictures of my "I think you are making a bad decision" look. God has so much in store for you. He is going to use you and it's going to be great. I know this because He is already doing it. He used you to help me. You really have changed my life. I love you. And always remember...don't be stupid! hahahahaha


Okay...that is all I got. If I forgot you then I am really sorry. So many people have helped change me this year that there is no way I could write everyone a message. Just know that I love all of you and I thank you! You will continue to be in my prayers. Be safe! And always trust God. I hope all of you have a great summer!

God Bless,
Olivia Matthews

Heart Pours Out

As most of you know Nashville and the state of Tennessee has been covered with water. It has stormed for the past two nights and has struck fear into the hearts of most Tennesseans. Many people have lost their homes and many have lost their loved ones. This has really dug deep into my heart and my heart pours out to all of them. Right at this moment I am stuck at school and I can hear sirens in the distance of ambulances and boats trying to get to people whose houses have been polluted with the rain that has fallen from the clouded sky. So many homes are destroyed and thousands of people have no where to stay tonight. I hear that there is more rain to come and so many people have began to panic. Nashville has been deemed as a natural disaster area. I just want to encourage everyone to keep the state of Tennessee in your prayers. I know that as I lay in my bed tonight that my heart, soul, and mind will constantly be in prayer for all of these people who have lost everything and are walking around with no hope. Thank you so much for reading this.

Dear Jamie Marie

I can't tell you how long I have put off writing this letter OR all the times I have started it and torn the paper up and placed it in the trash. Actually, I can. 14 1/2 times. The 1/2 was a rough draft. :) When I left home I never thought I would meet someone like you. Shoot, I never even thought I would be friends with someone like you! But I am so happy that I did. I know you are asking "What does THAT mean??" So let me explain. When I say "someone like you" I mean beautiful, intelligent, confident, and well, preppy. You are just not my cup of tea. ;) Anyways, back to the point, when you read this then that means we are saying our "goodbyes" and going our separate ways. The one thing I want to say in this letter is how blessed I am to have gotten to opportunity to get to know you. I know that our friendship was because of God. I mean think about it...we met at orientation, I thought I would never see you again then BOOM! There you were as my suitemate. Then my roommate! Only God could have made that happen. And all I can say to that is what a great God we have! I have learned so much from you. You taught me not to judge a book by its cover. You and your family also taught me what a true God fearing family is like. I can only hope and pray that when I get older me and my family are just like your. I also learned things like...what your room looks like when you don't clean it, how to be open to nakedness, how to NOT to study, how the simple things matter the most, and most importantly, how to be a best friend.The memories we have together are my most prized possessions. I can honestly say that because of you my freshman year has been incredible. Through many fights, love and tears we have remained best friends. And because of this I know that our friendship can handle anything. Yes, this is goodbye...but after every goodbye there will always be a hello. I will never forget you or your family. I have learned and grown so much because of you guys. All I can say is thank you. I have changed so much this year and it is because of you. I hope and pray that on your journey towards becoming what you want to be that God will bless you. Please remember that you can do anything! Don't limit yourself. You have a lot to learn but don't ever change the fact that God comes first in your life. I will pray for you every night. I hope that when you get to Union you meet someone just like me! :) You need SOMEONE to keep you in line! I love you. Have a great summer and don't give up on what you have learned this past year. I can't wait to see what God has in store for you. God used you to make me who I am. And I know that since I am so great then you will become so much greater. Don't forget me! I will always be around if you need me...plus I have to take my place as maid of honor one day! ;) Well, I guess this is goodbye...stay safe. I love you.

With Love,
Ol'
(Olivia Matthews)

Memories...

Wow, these past two days have been incredible! All of my professors are making speeches about this past year and saying their goodbyes and all of my friends are trying their hardest to soak up every second they have with each other while trying to study for finals. These past few days have been the best and saddest days I have had in a while.

Yesterday morning my human growth and development professor made his goodbye speech. It was so awesome! And even though I found out recently that the story he told was copyrighted (thanks Jamie) it still was very heart warming. This was his speech.

"There once was a famous pianist who was so great at playing the piano that he gave a huge concert. The concert was very high class and very expensive to attend. Well, a woman decided that she wanted to go and take her little boy. He was eight years old and liked playing on the piano but would rather play with his friends instead. The mother dressed him in a suit and tie and took him to the concert in hope to encourage him to become a great pianist when he got older. When they found their seats the little boy sunk down into his seat angry that he was there instead of out playing with his friends. His mom turned around and began talking with some friends. The little boy raised his head and looked on stage. He noticed all the really cool lights and a brand new grand piano with a nice leather seat. He looked up at his mother and noticed she wasn't paying attention to him and climbed out of his seat and headed for the stage. He climbed onto the nice comfy leather stool and began to play the song "Chopsticks" on the piano. The crowd erupted with screams and all the men began yelling "WHO BROUGHT THAT KID HERE? WHERE IS HIS MOTHER? SOMEONE GET HIM! WHAT KIND OF MOTHER DOESN'T WATCH HER KID?" From back stage the great pianist heard the commotion. He looked out from the curtains and noticed the little boy playing. He ran to the stage (not fully dressed) and stood behind the little boy almost over lapping him and began playing a counter melody. After the song was finished the auditorium erupted in applause. After the concert the mother asked the boy what the great pianist was whispering in his ear. The little responded 'Don't stop! Keep going! You are doing great! Keep it up! Don't give up! Don't be afraid!'I told you this story today because this is our last class and you may never see me again after your final. But I want you to know that as I am reading your 'This is my Life' papers that all of your goals are not unreachable. And I want to be that pianist to you. I want to tell you...Don't stop! Keep going! You are doing great! Keep it up! Don't give up! Don't be afraid! And if I can't do that for you then God will."

This really touched me. I am so happy that I have been allowed the opportunity to attend TNU. God has shown me so many things! Anyways, my class is about to start...I will continue my blogging later! Thanks for reading! lol

My Life

So here goes nothing. My life is well...my life. Sometimes I wished certain people will let me live it. I understand that they are looking out for me. I also understand that they might know what is best for me. But let me just drop a little something into your ear. You had to make your mistakes and now I have to make mine. The mistakes I make today will make me who I am tomorrow. Who I am and what I am is my business. No one else. You can think what ever you want about me but in the end I can promise you I am still going to do what I feel is best.

I have realized recently that certain people are worried about my walk with Christ. Well here ya go. Yes, I am a Christian. No, I am not very conservative even though my parents raised me to be. I do what I feel God wants me to do. You may think you know what God wants me to do but don't tell me. That is something I have to figure out for myself. God and I are on speaking terms and even though I may make mistakes and sin God is still there. So I don't need anyone trying to be God and trying to judge me or punish me for things they don't understand.

Now, I have also realized that people are wondering about my sexuality. Those of you who know my past may wonder a lot more. Well, I have three words for you. DOESN'T CONCERN YOU! I have had so much hurt and pain in my life that I don't need you to make it any greater. I think I have had enough to last a life time. I think it increases every new day. If you MUST know if I am a lesbian or not you could at least have enough decency to ask ME instead of talking about me with other people. If you are one of those type of people I promise you you are not in my top 10. So I beg you to at least act human and show some respect. And if you read my last blog I NEVER said I am a LESBIAN! I simply wrote my point of view on it! So go reread it people and GET OVER YOURSELF! YOUR NOT ALWAYS RIGHT!

Okay folks...I think that is all. I know you may read this and get offended and that is not my purpose here. You also may think I am mad. Well you are right. I am ... well..furious. People have really hurt me for no reason. I feel like I have a right to defend myself. But since no one has the guts to confront me then I will defend myself like this. You may comment. I actually would love that. But comment on my facebook page or write me on there. Or you can even text me. That works too. Anyways, I am off.

New Experiment and My Point of View

So yea...I watched this movie right? Well...I LOVED it. Sure, it's not what kids should watch. Actually I would never even let my mom watch it. But hey...I liked it.The name is "Can't Think Straight." It was so real. I think that this movie struck a deeper question within me. Why do people treat homosexuals wrong? They are still human. Just like you. Why is it that "Christians" believe that they shouldn't have the same rights or can't possibly follow the same God. Do people honestly believe that they chose to be that way? Here is something for you, who in this world would chose to have their family reject them or people call them fagots or people act like they have a disease?? Would you? It's not like homosexuals don't know what is going to happen to them if they were to "come out of the closet." I believe that the only way I would sacrifice myself up to so much pain is if I knew that in the end I would be happy. It takes a lot of courage for someone to tell someone they are gay. I admire that courage. If everyone in the world had that much courage we would be in a better place. So you believe God doesn't love gays? Well here is a news flash. You can't POSSIBLY be the "Christian" you say you are because obviously you don't even read His word! God loves EVERYONE. Also, to add on to gays choosing to be that way. If you want to say that then get your story straight! They may choose to live in that life style but they NEVER asked God to give them those feelings. So stop bagging on them! You have no idea what they go through. They don't sit there and point out all of the things they think you do wrong!

Now, to change points here. I was in Human Growth and Development class the other day and we studied sexual orientation. My professor told us something that just REALLY stuck to me. He said "You think you are gay? Fine. You think you are born that way? Okay. Fine. I will not disagree with you. But it is a "Life style." Just like living as a heterosexual. It's like being born right handed. Then one day you fall out of a tree and break your right arm. You then have to learn how to write, eat, and drive with your left hand. You CAN change your life style. You may not like it at first and it may feel weird and not 'normal' but you will adapt. That is the best thing about humans. We adapt." This really got me thinking. Is this true? Can this really happen? Has homosexuals actually been able to do this and live happily? So I have decided to do an experiment. I will keep you posted on the results. Anyways, thanks for reading. There will be more to come!

Reading "To Kill A Mockingbird

Feelings

Just so you know I have had a bitter/sweet day today...So many things have messed up and I have so much money that I owe that I feel like I have a gigantic bolder on my shoulders weighing me down to where I can't walk on the path called "Life" anymore. I have to crawl. This alone has gotten me completely destroyed in every aspect of my life. Sometimes I feel like God could easily take this bolder and throw it off a cliff so that it is no longer on my shoulders. But what will I learn from that? That is like going to school one day trying to prepare yourself for a huge test that you are going to have to take. You get into class...and your teacher/professor smiles and says "Well class, there is no exam today I took it for you guys. So you all have the day off." Even though that is a pretty sweet gig what have you learned? Only one word comes to mind...nothing. This can never be good. What if that test was on how to change a tire and you didn't take it? Then the next day you had a blow out and no one knows how to fix it?? You are pretty much screwed for lack of a better word. So I guess that is why God will not lift this heavy load off my shoulders. He wants to teach me something. I just wish that I had a few band aids because this path is rocky and since I am crawling...I am getting hurt pretty badly. So I was wondering...will you be my band aid?

You're Religious?!?!?!?

Yesterday I went out with a friend and we ate lunch together. When I got my food I bowed my head and said a prayer to bless the food. When I was finished, my friend looked at me with a shock look and said "I forgot you were religious." At first I didn't think much of it and just laughed it off. I continued my day like nothing had happened. Today, I got to thinking about what had happened and now I am feeling a little bit regretful. I didn't think twice about it. Do I really not show God like I am suppose to? Can people really not see Him in me? This isn't the first time. Since Friday my sister and cousin have been talking about how ungodly I am. I know that they are not my judge and my relationship with Him is between God and me but shouldn't my actions be just like my testimony? So if I am not showing God in my actions then what am I showing?

So today I make a pact. A pact with me and God. That I will do my best to show God in everything I say and do. I want people to see God. I need them to see God. So my question for you is...what are your actions showing??

Stressing over the unfixable

So here's what's up. I am transferring next year but I have recently found out that I will have to pay back my loans as soon as I quit this school. Which I think is so stupid. Anyways, my parents are upset. I guess because they want me to go to a Christian school. Which is understandable but it's stressing me out. Those of you who know me on a personal level know that I hate to disappoint people period. But I can't fix it. I mean what am I suppose to do?? Owe 100,000 dollars in three years?!?!?!? I mean seriously?!?!?!?!?!? Any advice???

Coming Home

So...I came home today...yep...I came home today because this week is my spring break. So far so good. Not sure how everything will be come next Sunday but I can hope for the best right? Everything has changed so much. I look at my neices and nephews and see how much they have grown and I feel almost regretful for missing most of their lives at this moment. I desire so much to watch them grow. To watch their views on life change as the days grow shorter. But I am not able to do that. Not at the moment anyways. This alone depresses me. But...it's okay. I look at my sister and see how much she has changed in just the few months that I have been gone not knowing what has happened to her. It hurts to know this. I look at my parents...and see how much they have changed. How I miss them when I am away but when I am with them can't wait to get away. I look at my bother and see so much in him. The way he has changed has been such a shock. But then...I realize that none of them have really changed that much...but it is I who have changed. I have grown to be the person God wants me to be. I have grown in ways I never knew I would. I have made friends that have changed my life in such a way that I will never be the person I once was. Yes...everyone has changed but it is I who have changed the most. The question is...do I like the person I have changed to? How does anyone answer this question?? How am I suppose to take my mind off of how much the world has changed and focus on how much I have changed?? How do I do this?!?!?!? These are all questions that I do not have the answer to yet...but I think that the more that I change...the faster these answers will come to me...maybe...what do you think?

Realizing That There Is More To Realize

So, I just recently clicked onto my facebook page and saw this link that I had totally forgotten that I had. I had forgotten that my friend had asked me to get one of these blog things so I could follow her and read all about her day. I decided to click on it and I realized how much my friend writes. I felt so bad that I hadn't read any of them but really didn't want to read any of them anyways. Atlas my guilt overcame my laziness and I decided that I would read her most recent ones just to be able to say that I did.

With this being said I scrolled down and began to read. Little did I know how much her blogs would touch me. Some of them made me hurt...others made me laugh...a few made me smile...and all of them inspired me to write. I shortly realized that I am not the person I thought I was. I use to consider myself a "great" friend. I would always be there when when someone needed help and I would try to "fix" their problems. But reading my friends blog I realized...I am not a "great" friend at all...I am not even a "good" one. I had promised my friend that I would read her blogs but I never did. I was too lazy to just quickly click on, read it, and make her day by telling her how good it was. I couldn't encourage her to write more because I never read anything that she wrote. I remember that everyday she would tell me about her awesome new blog she wrote and how I would really like it and I would respond "Oh yea...I will read it later..." with no intentions of even attempting to read it. I am not a "good" friend. I am not writing this for you to show me sympathy. I really don't want it. I am simply writing this because I realized there is a lot more to realize. There is a lot more to being a friend then just being there...you have to show you care. Sometimes that means putting your own laziness aside and taking time to show what they mean to you...even if that means reading their blogs. :)

Earlier today that same friend came to me because she was stressed out. All I could think about was how upset I was at her over something that was so stupid. I couldn't be there for her because I was so stuck on how I should "get back" at her. This is not a friend. Not a friend at all. I learned so much about her today when I read her blogs that I even cried a little bit. So if she is reading this I just want you to know that I am REALLY sorry. And I would like to tell you how amazing your blogs are. They are truly inspirational. Well...I think that's it for right now. Sorry if this bored you. :) Maybe it will get better as I continuing blogging.