One Step Forward...Two Steps Back...

If you keep up with my blogs you know that one of my latest blogs was about starting over. Going down the path called "God" instead of "You." So yea...I have started it. I am walking on this path...and well...it's getting rough. I have so many people trying their hardest to encourage me. They do what they think they should do. But instead...they don't know me...and they are actually discouraging me. When I started walking on this path God told me their was a friendship I was going to have to cut off. I didn't want to do it. He said that if I cut it off freely He may build it up again in the future. I didn't want to do it. He asked me three or four times to it. I didn't want to do it. And then I went to church this morning and my dad preached on giving God everything. And I knew...this was the last time He was going to ask. But I didn't want to do it. So...He took it into His own hands and now...the friendship has ended. Probably never to return. This alone has left me with tears pouring down my cheeks as I type this. One step forward...two steps back.

I started to read His word on a daily bases. He told me that I needed to apply it to my everyday life. I got to one scripture...and I didn't want to do it. He said I had to if I wanted to be His disciple. But I didn't want to do it. One step forward...two steps back.

I decided that I would give God my past. He accepted. He asked for my future. I declined. One step forward...two steps back.

When I began to walk on this path I was handed a hand full of decisions. For example: where to live, where to go to school, what relationships I should keep, whether or not to tell people about my change or let them see it, and many more. I prayed about each and every one of these. And then when I make the decision so many people around me tell me I am wrong. So here I am...walking on this path...and I have hit a cliff. I am barely hanging on but hanging on none the less. So many people are around me...talking...telling me what I should do. They are so loud...so loud that I can't hear God. But then...I look up...and there He is...He has grabbed my hands...and He is pulling me up.

I may be stressed...and I may be weak...but God is still holding my hand. He has picked me up...dusted me off...has given me back my Bible...and is now once again...holding my hand...whispering in my ear..."Keep going. You are doing great. Don't give up. Don't be afraid. Don't stop. You got it. I am so proud. I love you..."